My heart's fool.
Fool for a love that will never be;
Fool for fleeting feelings.
Fool with temptation;
Fool with true and deep understanding.
Aren't we all just
bright eyes, fool hearts.
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Fourward
I had a very unexpected conversation at work today with someone about the weight of our words on people. We both ended up crying thinking about the words that have weighed on us or the feedback we have received about our heavy words.
It is both a beautiful and fragile thing that the words we share with people can have such a lasting impact. Of course in this sense I am speaking of words we say in moments of caring and sharing love and advice. In a vulnerable time, people are very likely to hold on to things that give them hope; things that reassure them; things that comfort them.
I had a family friend years ago that suffered a miscarriage. I found a card for her somewhere along the way that said ever so simply and beautifully, "'Hang in there,' a little birdie told me. 'Your rainbow is on the way.'" I have held on to that small but powerful statement for 15 years. It has resonated with me in trying times and it is often the best advice I feel I have to offer those around me who may be suffering.
I have truly never given it much thought and I find the sentiment to be pretty classic. The basic promise that soon the storm will let up and the sun will begin to peak out again, and that combination of water and light will provide them the rainbow they have long been awaiting. It is a tale as old as time... especially if you grew up in the bible belt.
I shared it about a year ago with a friend and months later when she was going through another tough time, she reminded me about what I had told her and said that she was still patiently waiting for her rainbow. And it dawned on me that my words have had a powerful impact. I don't know that I outright promised her that things would get better (not that it was in my power to do so in any case) but she believed the words I said and took them to heart.
How frightening it can be to know that your words have such a great impact on someone when spoken at the right time. So much responsibility lies in your words and your promises of brighter tomorrows.
It makes me think and makes me regret making promises to people for said brighter tomorrows and even endless love. Words are worth a lot; a powerful weapon in the wrong hands.
It is both a beautiful and fragile thing that the words we share with people can have such a lasting impact. Of course in this sense I am speaking of words we say in moments of caring and sharing love and advice. In a vulnerable time, people are very likely to hold on to things that give them hope; things that reassure them; things that comfort them.
I had a family friend years ago that suffered a miscarriage. I found a card for her somewhere along the way that said ever so simply and beautifully, "'Hang in there,' a little birdie told me. 'Your rainbow is on the way.'" I have held on to that small but powerful statement for 15 years. It has resonated with me in trying times and it is often the best advice I feel I have to offer those around me who may be suffering.
I have truly never given it much thought and I find the sentiment to be pretty classic. The basic promise that soon the storm will let up and the sun will begin to peak out again, and that combination of water and light will provide them the rainbow they have long been awaiting. It is a tale as old as time... especially if you grew up in the bible belt.
I shared it about a year ago with a friend and months later when she was going through another tough time, she reminded me about what I had told her and said that she was still patiently waiting for her rainbow. And it dawned on me that my words have had a powerful impact. I don't know that I outright promised her that things would get better (not that it was in my power to do so in any case) but she believed the words I said and took them to heart.
How frightening it can be to know that your words have such a great impact on someone when spoken at the right time. So much responsibility lies in your words and your promises of brighter tomorrows.
It makes me think and makes me regret making promises to people for said brighter tomorrows and even endless love. Words are worth a lot; a powerful weapon in the wrong hands.
Tuesday, August 14, 2018
Third Time is the Charm
Good morning! ...yes, I am writing this in the morning. I woke up early this morning, did yoga, laundry and some other small things around the house before my doctor's appointment. I got to the doctor only to be turned around and told to come back in 2 hours. Lucky for me, that was just enough time to bottle my latest batch of Kombucha and post a short blurb.
Days like these make my tummy turn. I love to be productive. I mean, don't get me wrong, I also love to be lazy and slack off, but after a long slump, I am actually giddy to be taking care of things.
My outlook on the day is so different when I start it with yoga. My body is more open and receptive to my surroundings and my mind is more tuned in to what my body and soul need. It is so balancing and all-encompassing. I know that can sound like a load of shit to people. I too was like you once. I finally caved and really allowed myself to release and I am so happy with the results.
I turned to the mat at a time in my life where I had many questions for myself. It was the most self-reflective care I could have given myself and I think it really allowed me to dig deep and answer those hard questions of life. I find myself in a similar position now, after 4 years, and the first place I want to run is the mat. I have shed a good many tears on that mat... boy does it have stories to tell. But seriously, yoga provides an outlet for me to share whats weighing on me: physically, mentally, and emotionally.
What is so fitting is that this month a youtube yogi is hosting a 30-day challenge for creativity. I crave that. I look forward to the challenges I will be given. And this morning, I was stoked to hold crow pose for a substantial amount of time without wavering. I feel so powerful in those moments. My body deserves all the trust I can give it. It is strong and capable and she takes care of my soul.
This time last year, I was preparing to go on my first yoga retreat and I was really worried that the other participants would be so much more advanced than I was. What a stupid thing to worry about in hindsight. Every body is different and we cannot expect them all to move in the same ways. Yoga is about what is good for your body and that is so individualized and unique. All that aside, human thoughts still invade my psyche. It turned out, however, that I was the only one in the class that could hold crow pose. My instructor challenged me to start working on side crow and I really haven't believed that I could do that. I have let yoga fall by the wayside far too often this year. I have allowed my mind to convince my body that it was incapable, weak. But I was reminded this morning that that is a crock of shit. Even after some time off the mat and being out of practice, I could achieve something that requires so much strength and patience. I am inspired by myself (still humble) and know that side crow is something I should work towards. It will only be in my library of asanas if I put forth the effort. I am ready. I am empowered. I believe in my body.
Sorry for being so inspirational. But sometimes we just need a pep talk and who better to hear it from then our biggest enemy??
Days like these make my tummy turn. I love to be productive. I mean, don't get me wrong, I also love to be lazy and slack off, but after a long slump, I am actually giddy to be taking care of things.
My outlook on the day is so different when I start it with yoga. My body is more open and receptive to my surroundings and my mind is more tuned in to what my body and soul need. It is so balancing and all-encompassing. I know that can sound like a load of shit to people. I too was like you once. I finally caved and really allowed myself to release and I am so happy with the results.
I turned to the mat at a time in my life where I had many questions for myself. It was the most self-reflective care I could have given myself and I think it really allowed me to dig deep and answer those hard questions of life. I find myself in a similar position now, after 4 years, and the first place I want to run is the mat. I have shed a good many tears on that mat... boy does it have stories to tell. But seriously, yoga provides an outlet for me to share whats weighing on me: physically, mentally, and emotionally.
What is so fitting is that this month a youtube yogi is hosting a 30-day challenge for creativity. I crave that. I look forward to the challenges I will be given. And this morning, I was stoked to hold crow pose for a substantial amount of time without wavering. I feel so powerful in those moments. My body deserves all the trust I can give it. It is strong and capable and she takes care of my soul.
This time last year, I was preparing to go on my first yoga retreat and I was really worried that the other participants would be so much more advanced than I was. What a stupid thing to worry about in hindsight. Every body is different and we cannot expect them all to move in the same ways. Yoga is about what is good for your body and that is so individualized and unique. All that aside, human thoughts still invade my psyche. It turned out, however, that I was the only one in the class that could hold crow pose. My instructor challenged me to start working on side crow and I really haven't believed that I could do that. I have let yoga fall by the wayside far too often this year. I have allowed my mind to convince my body that it was incapable, weak. But I was reminded this morning that that is a crock of shit. Even after some time off the mat and being out of practice, I could achieve something that requires so much strength and patience. I am inspired by myself (still humble) and know that side crow is something I should work towards. It will only be in my library of asanas if I put forth the effort. I am ready. I am empowered. I believe in my body.
Sorry for being so inspirational. But sometimes we just need a pep talk and who better to hear it from then our biggest enemy??
Monday, August 13, 2018
Two's Company
Today someone approached me about seeing me on Tinder. They got a real kick out of the fact that we were both on there. The more I think about it, the more I don't find this to be strange or funny at all.
In a world where people rarely meet organically, hiding behind internet anonymity is commonplace. And unfortunately, the more we hide behind our phones, the more expected it will be that we meet our partners there. Downsides include the fact that you are mostly judging these people on internet interactions (which often do not portray reality) and superficial information. However, on the flip side, you have just widened your dating pool by infinity– potential partners are numerous when you can include the eligible population of the entire world.
Of course Tinder is not my preferred method of meeting people, but sometimes I am out of motivation to think of ways to organically meet people. Tinder is great because it is easy and convenient and, most of the time, you have people with a certain goal gathered together in one place. The age old question, "what are you looking for?" will of course haunt you throughout your endeavors, but once you come up with the most vague and generic response, you're golden.
The point that I am trying to make, though, comes down to this: if meeting a partner via Tinder or other internet sites is becoming the widely accepted way to date in the modern age, why should it be surprising that you see your colleagues, friends, or family there?
Other thoughts that I didn't have time to flesh out:
I actually had a conversation with someone just the other day about the horror that is the future of dating if it come down to Tinder. I got stood up for a date and the simple explanation was, "you cannot be surprised [...] when it was someone from Tinder." But what a tragedy that this is something I need to accept.
In a world where people rarely meet organically, hiding behind internet anonymity is commonplace. And unfortunately, the more we hide behind our phones, the more expected it will be that we meet our partners there. Downsides include the fact that you are mostly judging these people on internet interactions (which often do not portray reality) and superficial information. However, on the flip side, you have just widened your dating pool by infinity– potential partners are numerous when you can include the eligible population of the entire world.
Of course Tinder is not my preferred method of meeting people, but sometimes I am out of motivation to think of ways to organically meet people. Tinder is great because it is easy and convenient and, most of the time, you have people with a certain goal gathered together in one place. The age old question, "what are you looking for?" will of course haunt you throughout your endeavors, but once you come up with the most vague and generic response, you're golden.
The point that I am trying to make, though, comes down to this: if meeting a partner via Tinder or other internet sites is becoming the widely accepted way to date in the modern age, why should it be surprising that you see your colleagues, friends, or family there?
Other thoughts that I didn't have time to flesh out:
I actually had a conversation with someone just the other day about the horror that is the future of dating if it come down to Tinder. I got stood up for a date and the simple explanation was, "you cannot be surprised [...] when it was someone from Tinder." But what a tragedy that this is something I need to accept.
Off to play banjo and do yoga!
Sunday, August 12, 2018
3-a-days Challenge
To be honest, this year has been absolutely devastating for me. I have suffered the loss of a parents, health issues, and rejection from a path I desperately want to go down. At the culmination of all of these things, I am left questioning my direction and my motives.
A fault of mine is becoming very enthusiastic and motivated about changes. The downfall is that I attempt to make lasting changes in multiple capacities all at once and I quickly burn out. In an attempt to not do that this time, I am challenging myself to focus on three things each day. The same things, that is.
Each day, I feel I would benefit mentally, physically and creatively from the practice of yoga, writing, and playing the banjo (I have been teaching myself for the last 6 months). It would be easy to say that I will devot 20 minutes per day to each activity, but I know that it would quickly fall by the wayside.
So, per the advice of a very wise and inspirational friend, I am going to be keeping a blog to hold myself accountable for doing these activities on the daily. I am not even sure what you will find here. I will be exploring many themes: what I want to be doing with my life; accomplishing goals; essays about books I am reading; playing the banjo; reflecting on grief and life, etc.
The blog will serve as my accountability partner, and you guys can participate in that too if you feel so inclined. Just know that I ALWAYS have wonderful excuses ;)
I did yoga this morning and boy was it nice to find myself on the mat again. I hate that I have gotten out of my daily yoga routine, but I am looking forward to listening to my body and getting stronger in my practice.
I am off to practice banjo now. Here is a short video from a few weeks ago. Just doing a little jam with a great friend of mine.
Thanks Nichla ;)
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